tonight is just like any other night

i have a fucked up feelin in my chest that wont go away ,i dont know how long  i can go  like this i feel like somthing is missing and i know exactley what it is, i smile but its  just a mask that i put on to not get questioned or have to explain why i feel  like this im ok with it i just dont wanna be like this any longer ill try my hardest to get what i need to be me and smile for real, if it doesnt happen then ill have to  find a way to  get my strength back atleast for my  own sake, i hate  the feelin on the morning of thinking about somthing that you have no control of, i want to  call message or  stop by but i cant i cant do that to myself and i cant STAY HERE WAITING NIETHER so ill givit one last try and if that dont work then i guess thats that  for me . as much as it will hurt i cant keep  waiting , shit alot can happen in  a week and a half and i aint gonna be waiting for what i want to be rubbed raw from expirience fuuuucckkk thatt